Les Beehive - Bo and Su answer your love, sex and life questions
I’ve had my heart broken by a guy who turned out to be polyamorous and i believe in monogamy. Could you please share your insight on what being poly means and why they might prefer it to an exclusive relationship with one person? Polyamory appears to be so complicated, isn’t it?
Su: Polyamory is extremely complicated, mainly because it works differently for every person. For it to work properly, polyamory requires a lot of discussion about boundaries and rules and then complete consent and agreements between all parties involved. Being poly is great for those who don’t have problems with possessiveness, who feel confident in their relationship with their partner. But it’s also a theory that can snap when put into practice, because you don’t really know how you’re going to react to your partner being with another person sexually until it actually happens. I will say, definitely, that if you’re not comfortable with it, as you aren’t, then dating someone who is poly would not work. It’s a definite requirement that a polyamorous person be with another polyamorous person.
Bo: Polyamory is beautifully complicated, yes. It requires a tremendous amount of communication and trust. In a monogamous relationship, the only rule in terms of outside relationships is “don’t cheat on me”. It’s simple. In poly relationships there are rules that vary from relationship to relationship. All of my romantic relationships have been poly, and every single one had a different level of limits, set between my partner and me as our relationship evolved. What is static is that, entering into each relationship, my partner knew that I was poly.
What’s important in all relationships is communication. In poly relationships, this is the most important rule. Personally, there is something ingrained in me that cannot conform to monogamy and cannot ask it of another person, this is something that I am straightforward about whenever I enter into a relationship.
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